Saturday, October 24, 2009

The Elusive Heart of Mary....

So it has been a crazy couple of weeks, and the forecast for the next 2 are just as busy. We have been busy preparing to move--we close next week! It's been so fun. I normally HATE to shop but I have been giddy about things like shelf liners and knobs for my cabinets. :) I have also had several rounds of company as well as working quite a bit. I am so thankful for a job (ER RN) that has flexible hours.
Busyness. There is nothing more deadly to my walk with God. And not necessarily a busy day guided by a lengthy to-do list. But a busy mind. My antagonist to a soft heart to the Lord. My enemy to knowing God better. For the past two or three weeks I have had such a busy mind. I hate to admit it, but I have been taking melatonin to get me to sleep most nights. If not I lie awake arranging furniture in my mind or contemplating colors for my accent walls. (Funny thought--Matt couldn't sleep the other night because he couldn't decide where the TV was going to's contagious) I know this isn't wrong in itself, and I'm thankful God gave us the emotion of 'excitement.' But my mind hasn't just sat on God for a while. And I am feeling the effects of that. I can tell that my ear isn't as in tune to his leading, his comfort, his encouragement. My responses to Matt and Micah aren't as gentle or understanding. What a reminder of my desperate need for a Savior! It just doesn't work as well when I put God on my to-do list and then cross him off after a 30 minute bible study. I get nothing more than a false satisfaction that I"m still doing 'OK' spiritually. On the other hand, is there anything sweeter than feeling God piece you back together from a state of brokenness? Is there anything sweeter than a day with a still mind, focused on the faithfulness of God? I think not....
Looking back (all the way back to this morning :) ) I have pinpointed some red flags that I have a busy mind:
*Lack of prayer
*Not starting my times with God in prayer
*Decreased stress tolerance
*Emotional liability
*I avoid times of stillness, which begins a downward spiral
*I think less of others, more of myself

Oh to have a "Mary heart in a Martha world..." I love that story. Look it up in Luke 10. Picture it. Jesus comes to visit the sister's house. Martha immediately begins pouring chips into a serving dish and the salsa into a matching fiesta style bowl. She quickly lights a candle (the scent was no doubt appropriate for the season, for example a 'pumpkin spice' for late October). And as she rushes into the living room to offer Jesus a glass of wine she finds her sister. Sitting on her butt. Mesmerised by Jesus. Listening to his Word. Is she really unaware that there is work to be done?! And yet....Jesus is pleased. In fact, he calls Martha out. He says "Mary has chosen that which is better." In my Bible it says "Martha Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things, but only ONE THING is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part..." (vs 41-42) That illusive one thing. A still mind. A focused mind. A mind and heart of worship. Do you know that every time I read this story I fight the temptation to defend Martha?! Hmm....I wonder why....:)

So I have to share my new favorite Micah moment. We just got our first professional family picture taken and Micah was HILARIOUS. Micah loves when we sing to him, but about a week ago we noticed a unique excitement to the Iowa fight song. So today during the photo shoot Matt and I would sing the song and Micah would start dancing and laughing! And he did it like 10 times. It was hilarious, what a sweet happy baby.
Well, we are off to our church's fall festival. And no, Micah doesn't have a costume. We are horrible parents, but I just couldn't justify $30 to make Micah more adorable. It's superfluous. :)

Thanks for letting me process. I'm gonna go sit on my butt. :)

1 comment:

  1. Great thoughts you shared, Rebekah. I so desire a Mary (and merry) heart. Trusting God as He continues to piece me back together.