Monday, October 8, 2012

Hope. Adventure. And, oh yea, hormones.

Let's work backwards.

In the past hour I have been sitting alone on our couch, ignoring the cramping of my full term uterus, attempting to be more honest with the Lord than I would naturally be. My eyes burn from last night's tears, my feet are cold from the recent arrival of Fall.

Last night we made a memory of hurrying to the hospital with packed bags and expectation, only to be told it was false labor.  False labor?  I'm not a rookie at this! The disorientation from severe discouragement and middle of the night hours made it hard to bear.  That was an understatement.

Yesterday morning I went to church, fully aware of what I would be facing.  "What?! You are still pregnant?"  "You haven't had that baby yet?"  Oh, and my favorite---"I had to walk away from you because you looked so uncomfortable."  I knew I would hear plenty, but it was very clear to me that I must put myself in the presence of God rather than cozy up in isolation.

Saturday night I went to work.  I left for work at 5, with about 5 hours of regular contractions with pretty good intensity under my belt.  I figured work would keep things moving.  By 10 o'clock they were 5 minutes apart and quite intense.  I was freaking out a guy PA, which made my night, but went home to pack up a hospital bag shortly thereafter.  I went home, talked game plan with mom and Matt, aaaaaaand the contractions stopped.  "A hope deferred makes the heart sick."

Last week, we rode the roller coaster of 1 other night of false labor.  Each day I would kinda wax and wane between my own weakness and God's strength.  Having hope and excitement that my sweet baby would make an appearance while my mom was here, but then being bummed when symptoms ceased.  Through the days, I would feel uplifted by the presence and promises of God.  But then, as a sinner tends to do, I would forget them-my fatigue and narrow vision clouding out the awareness of God's love and goodness. There were several times when I was fully aware of God's goodness in giving me time to transition from Adored and new baby.  I have most definitely learned that coming down from Adored is not a quick process.

Speaking of,  last week was Adored.  10 days ago now to be exact.  It left it's usual haze of being out of words and out of emotions.  (I know you hardly believe that last phrase :) ) Adored was....God's power on display.  There is much processing to do, many conversations to have with team members, and many prayer journal pages to fill  to seek the Lord's thoughts on the weekend.  The quickie on it?  Ok.  We sold out at 630 girls and leaders.  According to last minute phone calls, which were often desperate and at times, angry, we could have easily filled at 700.  This year, the girls were from all over the Denver metro, into the highlands and even some groups from New Mexico and North Carolina.  My team was amazing.  AMAZING.  No, I don't think you get it.  They did everything, and it ran SO smoothly.  I was able to fully focus on teaching and praying.  I knew they were organized and gifted, but I had no idea a conference could run so smoothly.  Lesson learned.  Get out of the way and let others use their gifts, find out what the Lord wants from YOU, and others will be blessed.
My talks were life changing.  I don't mean that in a prideful way, that they changed the girl's life.  I mean MY life.  The power of God's word broke me down and built me back up.  "He wounds that He might heal."  The themes of God's power, promises, and provision of hope found in Sarah, Hagar, and Rebekah rocked me. I'm so thankful the hundreds of girls were willing to sit and listen as I discovered what my Creator wanted to teach ME. :) I felt so weak on Friday night, teaching on Sarah, I felt disconnected and exhausted (I just can't figure out why I was so tired....).  How thankful I was for that, for I am learning the richness of that 2 Corinthians treasure.  And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is is perfected in weakness. Mostly gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."
And his power was indeed evident as the story of God's love unfolded Saturday morning in the story of the second Genesis woman, Hagar.  To watch girls realize that God sees them, loves them, and has a plan of healing and adventure for each of them, that, that, I could alone live on.  To watch them come forward to give their lives to the God that adores them, to do business with the God that has promises for them, to repent from settling for the ways of the world, that is......a gift.  May they never hope for less than what God has for them.
And then, to watch each part of the conference, carried out with excellence by the team of 11 and 100 volunteers, communicating in various ways to these girls that they are adored, wow, it! From the most delicious catered food, the most funnest dance parties, glow in the dark "Holy Yoga", hip hop lessons (yes, it was NEEDED),  break out sessions that spoke to the topics these girls struggle with, gifts, gifts, and more gifts, and intimate small groups.

But that was just last week.  The 2 weeks before that we sold out house and bought a new one.  Hey, I told you I was learning about adventure.  I'll write about it later.

So...that was my last month.  It's been....I don't know how to end that sentence.
I don't know if these contractions this morning are real.  (Good night they hurt like a beast.)
 I don't know how many girls gave their life to a loving God at Adored.
I don't know when my baby boy is coming.
I don't know what kind of curtains my new living bedroom will demand.
To be honest, I don't know if I can handle much more of this labor roller coaster.
I don't know if my mom will be able to stay here until Maxwell comes.
I don't know if I will find understanding as to why this pregnancy is ending in such a challenging way.
But this I do know.

I know that "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."
I know that His grace is sufficient for Me.
I know that God is soooo good, and lavishes us with good things.
I know that I will meet my third and final son SOON.
I know that  "The unfolding of His words give light; it gives understanding to the simple."
I know that because of His faithfulness, I can trust my God.

I know that I have hope, I know that a life surrendered is a life of adventure, and that's fun.
And hormones suck.

Thanks for listening.


  1. Rebekah, you are so precious!! I had tears in my eyes hearing about Adored, and all those sweet girls learning what that means...and then the labor/not labor! Arrrggghh! Praying for little guy to actually arrive THE NEXT TIME IT FEELS LIKE HE'S ARRIVING!

    Kerry Brannan

  2. :) I'm so glad Maxwell is here! Love this post, and can't wait to "meet" him!